David vs. Verizon, day 2: David vs. Linda

Well, called Verizon again, because Joel and I discovered that the "Line 1 Ring" signal is weak, which is why our phone doesn't work. So I called them up again and got a different automated system. Odd. No problem.

Verizon Automated System: What is the trouble?
Me: Don't work.
VAS: People are having trouble calling you?
Me: Exactly!

At least they know their service sucks. I tell it I want a real person. It says no, you must deal with me. Fine. After a few more questions, VAS gives up, and transfers me to a real person. After a few minutes of holding, I get Linda, a perky lass from America. She is clearly underpaid, undertrained, and she works for a company whose service doesn't work. I tell her my problem.

Me: The Line 1 Ring signal is weak and my phone doesn't ring.
Linda: I'm sorry, I don't know what that means.
Me: It means that I have a weak signal on my Ring line.
Linda: Sir, I've never heard of that. Are you saying your phone doesn't ring?
Me: Yes.
Linda: Ok can I get your address to confirm the account?
Me: *gives billing address*
Linda: I need the physical address, sir!
Me: *gives physical address*
Linda: Have you tried... *lists some stuff that a first grader would try*
Me: Yes.
Linda: Ok, well would you like to have someone come out? If they find nothing wrong, there will be a charge. Would you like to hear a list of these charges?
Me: No, beacuse the problem isn't on our end.
Linda: When are your business hours?
Me: We can be there whenever.
Linda: When are your business hours, sir?!
Me: 6 AM to 6 PM.
Linda: Is that M-F, 7 Days a week, what?
Me: Everyday. 7 Days a week.
Linda: Ok someone will be out before noon tomorrw.. *gets some info and stuff*
Me: Bye.

Linda was dumb. I think if this isn't solved by noon tomorrow, I'm going to cancel our account and just get a SkypeIn number. Fuck um.

The grass is always greener...

... in my front yard? Weird. My back yard is kind of a shit hole (except for the fire pit, different kind of hole) and I hate to mow it, but I do love to mow the front yard.

I called Verizon today because they suck and I want some money back, and I was on hold for 5 minutes, got some lady that was glad to help me out. Good. Wait - no, we got disconnected. Fuck. Called back. No hold. Good. Wait - no, she was an imbecile. She started off pretty standard, how are you doing today? I mentioned it was a little humid today. Bad mistake. I got fifteen (yes, I'm not making this up) minutes of her life story, between how she went to the drug store yesterday and then it rained, to the fact she was wearing a light jacket because she didn't know what the weather was supposed to be like.

After all of that, at least she helped me.

Wait, no. She couldn't help me and so I just got upset and hung up. Lucky for her I'm in a really good mood today.

Countdown to home?

I will be home in 5 days. Of course, I realize I call both homes home, but whatevs.

Also, shoutout to Pete.

Life is good

I filled in my hole with dirt and seed today, and had my first fire in my firepit. It was yummy. Some day I want to roast a small pig.

The brilliance of beauty

I was listening to the Playmate hour on Playboy Radio, Sirius 198, yesterday and they had just gotten through with talking about how they play the dumb card because they can and get away with it, even though they're actually very smart.

Then some filler.

Then they go on to read some news story about some dumb bitch in Australia. One playmate asked the other if that was where the Von Trapp family was from, and where was Maria when they needed her.

That is the kind of woman I hope I can find someday.

Best date ever

In case you guys didn't realize it, today is the best date ever. 6/9! SIX NINE! SIXTY NINE! Woooooo... unfortunately, celebration will have to be later... like... much later...

Unrelated: Looking for someone to celebrate the holidays with.

Flooding = bad

In case you missed it, we are in a state of emergency for all of the flooding. Thankfully, I'm 100% dry, but HTA had a couple feet and Tom got hit real hard. Today I will be going out to help Tom in any way that I can so we'll see how that goes. Luckily, he has a wonderful insurance agent (Tom).

Favorite TV Black People

In celebration of Obama, I am attempting to list all of my favorite TV black people.

President David Palmer
Curtis (before he douched out)
Stanley
Mr. Brown
Cleveland
Dr. Hibbard
Oprah
Carl Winslow
Bill Cosby
Kevin Eubanks
Mayhem
Justice
Al Roker
Tyra Banks (JUST KIDDING)

Have I missed any?

Yay Obama!

I'm glad this is finally going to be over. I'm ready for an ass-whooping in November. I don't think America would've been ready for a black president 8 years ago.

What changed?

President David Palmer.

Its been a while... oops.

Yeah well... it happens. Anyway, I have the results from the "Great" American Beer Taste-off of 2008.

In first place (surprisingly, but it was double blind so don't blame me): Busch
2nd (tie): Milwaukee's Best
2nd (tie): MGD
4th: Bud Select
5th (tie): Bud
5th (tie): High Life
7th: Natty Ice
8th: PBR
9th (tie): Old Style
9th (tie): Coors

There you have it. Turns out my favorite beer is Bud Select. Mmmm... classy....